The MS Recovery Diet by Ann Sawyer and Judi Bachrach

I spent many years of my young adulthood as a dancer. I wrote this poem just as I spiraled down into my worst phase of MS symptoms. I had learned by then to hold the initimacy of both the despair and the search for meaning in all of my suffering. It is good to be on the far side of that despair- my gratitude for my continued recovery since being on the diet for a little over a year is boundless. But I cannot forget how meeting the kind of loss described below has shaped me and given me great gifts as well. I offer this in support of recovery for us all.

My Savage Lover (L’Amoure Sauvage)

You are a fierce lover.
Your savage touch
Unnerves me so
I am unable to walk for days.

I wear clothes designed for easy removal.
At night
In the dark before rest comes
You lie down beside me.
Sometimes you let me sleep.

You touch my eyes-
I lose vision.
You touch my hands and feet-
I let drop and fall.
You touch my mind-
I cannot complete my thoughts.
You touch my heart-
I lose all hope.

My husband knows about us.
He is frightened, angry, and sad.
He will not leave me
Alone with you.

He has built me access ramps
Patient surrender
To Something beyond our control.
His steady touch
Allows me to meet your unpredictable gaze
Without denial or helplessness.

If I came here to dance,
Then learning how-
To be conscious of every move I make
To know that I am in, not of, this body and this world
To love that which I cannot understand-
Then I have received great gifts
From my Savage Lover.